Out of Exile and into healing

I know I have now a new identity, a new career, and overall a new life worth living. However, I must address my trauma so I can make peace. Two weeks ago, I went to the hospital for an episode in which I experienced urges to self-harm. I figured, I can either white-knuckle it through…

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I wish I could attend the Met Mile.

It is a very busy Triple Crown season for me. I have to work during Derby weekend, Preakness weekend, and now the Belmont Stakes racing festival. At Churchill Downs, these days are mandatory work days. I wanted to work at the track during Derby weekend and asked my boss’ boss. No dice. I had to…

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The Fourth Kentucky Derby Future Wager Pool

Audible (#1, 6-1) Bolt d’Oro (#2, 5-1) Bravazo (#3, 50-1) Combatant (#4, 30-1) Enticed (#5, 20-1) Flameaway (#6, 30-1) Free Drop Billy (#7, 30-1) Good Magic (#8, 8-1) Gronkowski (#9, 30-1) Hofburg (#10, 30-1) Instilled Regard (#11, 50-1) Justify (#12, 6-1) Lone Sailor (#13, 50-1) Magnum Moon (#14, 10-1) Mendelssohn (#15, 10-1) Mississippi (#16, 50-1)…

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An Autistic Horseplayer’s Guide to Attending the Races

We are in the middle of the Kentucky Derby prep race season, and that means stakes season! It’s exciting and full of fun to see these hopefuls race and qualify for the Derby this May. Soon, Keeneland will open and next month, Churchill Downs will open as well. It also means a crapton of sensory…

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The Third Kentucky Derby Future Pool

This weekend (9-11 March), there will be the third KD Future Pool. Here is the list with starting odds: Audible (#1, 8-1) Avery Island (#2, 30-1) Bolt d’Oro (#3, 6-1) Bravazo (#4, 30-1) Catholic Boy (#5, 30-1) Combatant (#6, 50-1) Flameaway (#7, 30-1) Free Drop Billy (#8, 15-1) Gold Town (GB) (#9, 30-1) Good Magic…

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When I Die by Lush

A widow like me tend to think of her husband often, and I dreamt I saw him again, in his prime. Alas, it’s only a dream. He looked much better in his clerical collar and his mind was sharp like a tack. It was a far cry from his last months. He hugged me and…

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A letter to a Fellow Aspie regarding Driving

Hello! Your relative knew me from the Kentucky Derby Museum, and she wanted me to write you a letter about my experiences driving and why I gave up driving. As an Aspie living independently, I believe I am qualified to share my story and give you some advice. I am glad that you are branching…

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My God-given worth

Intristic Worth does prolong lives, especially mine. There is this article that talked about the short life expectancy of Autistic people, written by Sarah Kurchak who just turned 36. 36 is the average life expectancy of Autistic people, according to a study published by the American Journal of Public Health. I am 39. What makes…

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The Clue in the KD Future Pool 2

(Nota Bene: This post will update for Pool 2 info this week.) Humans are very hung up on patterns. We tend to organise things into something that make sense to us. Autistic people are especially are aware of patterns. I am no different. The need to make patterns out of data spills over into the…

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Your Family Altar: A WNM Addendum

(This can be a stand-alone article in many aspects– it can be read as a small window into Autistic spirituality, or as a guide for orthodox Lutherans on setting up holy space at home. However, this is meant to be a supplement to the Weep No More self-help guide.) In my guide, I suggested setting…

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Two feet on dry Wittenberg ground

My best friend and I were talking on the phone about a week ago. I ran out of my Rexulti and it was available for pickup the next day. So I felt very off. I told her that I was leaving the Lutheran Church for Orthodoxy. “You have been a voice for the Lutheran faith…

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On a Floating Raft, Leading to Nowhere?

The fecal matter hit the oscillating blade. Soon after my post on FB, I got notes and messages from both Confessionals and Orthodox converts from Lutheranism. I first have to ask myself: what are the various things going on in the Missouri Synod that made me uneasy? After that, what are the various things going…

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Swimming the Bosporus

From Facebook: Gentle people. I have an important announcement. I realise that I am burnt out totally from the Lutheran faith. I have learned various things the past several weeks. My time away from the spectre of Fort Wayne has been invigorating. I realise why I am in Kentucky. Not just to work for Churchill…

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The Value of Routines

There is a Sports Illustrated article about Autistic people enjoying sports and how sports benefited them. One of the featured people is a hockey player. He mentioned the time when his teammates would go out on New Year’s Eve, but opted to stick to his routine and go to bed as usual. That reminded me…

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Breeders’ Spoon

It was a hectic few weeks with the moving and work and the Breeders’ Cup. I am quite subdued and my mood is a bit bummed. Visited Churchill Downs racetrack yesterday for the racing club and left early after Rare Form’s race. Went directly home and slept after that. I tend to get very tired…

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