I used to have a testimony.

From my early Protestant years, the first thing any born-again Christian should have is a testimony. That was expected from any evangelical Christian.

My testimony was piss poor in comparison to the exciting (and often) sordid stories of various people who later converted. Like the Australian outlaw biker who became part of the Tribe of Judah motorcycle ministry. Or an assortment of pagans/’Satanists’ who would do magickal* stuff… and then they say a spell The Sinner’s Prayer and they have been delivered. Me, I was only an autistic kid who thought Catholicism is not my thing. And why lie about your testimony? It would ruin it.

One year, I was going to be rebaptised and give my testimony one Sunday… but the night before, I had horrid menstrual cramps. No go. (It turned out to be a good thing I was not rebaptized.)

I discovered the internet in high school, and found out at Concordia Irvine that I can get a free web page from Geocities where I can have my political and Christian webpage. It was good, but something strange happened.

I was learning about Christocentrism and the Solas. What was driving my story, me or Christ? What was the point of having a testimony? I had to question that as I see the sordid stories become “Try Jesus and you will get good things” pitches. They choose Jesus, they have subjective emotional extra-Biblical experiences that I cannot support or refute. How do they know their story was true? From their good behaviour? Or their happy beaming family? Or their $ucce$$ful living? Anyone with a Dale Carnegie/Napoleon Hill book would point out that anybody regardless of religion can have some moralism and success.

What was supposed to be my testimony just became a short autobiography, some mundane words. I have not even imported it from my old websites.

Here, the guys at The White Horse Inn says all this better than I can. The deeper I fell into the Lutheran realm, the more pointless my testimony gets. It should be useless, because Christ came to me via Scripture and the Means of Grace, not me choosing.

I only have a small bit of thought, for those who are about to give a testimony: When giving the testimony of your life, who is driving your actions? To whom the spotlight is shining on?

*When I say ‘magick’, I am referring to Crowleyan-style stuff, not David Copperfield sleight-of-hand magic.