On my two feet: Giving up driving for inner serenity

My mind energy is leeching and the past week my ability to cope with stress is greatly impaired. In short, I spent many spoons and splines coping with a car accident in Lexington.

My best friend mentioned she felt uneasy when I am behind the wheel. I do not want to deal with high insurance rates. After much thought and studying the logistics, I decided to give up driving.

I was assigned a cheap rental car; it’s still on the parking lot. Even if I would like to drive, I can’t; my brain is off and I can only process so much. So I take the public transit at daytime and Uber at night. The inner noise and confusion is loud and I get easily distracted. I cannot bet on the ponies– not allowed whilst working, and I cannot process well enough to handicap. In fact, I am skipping the Breeder’s Cup. No betting for a while, no driving indefinitely.

Disabled people are aware of this triad of adult independence: job, car, and relationship. These three things defined life goals. For a while I had the triad. But who dictates how we define a successful adulthood? I am glad I have a job. But keeping a relationship was hard, especially during Wayne’s last months. And driving a car while fun and convenient, was energy-sucking. And there was homeownership and people’s expectations of how a pastor’s wife should interact.

Now I have fulfilled my duties to Preggie and no longer have a car, I want to focus on keeping my job at United Tote and address my basic needs.

Here is my written plan:

Get check from totaled car, deposit in savings account.

Visit apartments near Churchill Downs corporate.* Get prices, look at inside.

Procure medical note from doctor regarding disability and inability to drive. Give to leasing office so I can avoid breaking lease penalty.

Purchase very warm protective jacket with non slip shoes.

Purchase a hand cart to carry groceries.

Pack crap together, store in boxes.

After moving in apartment, keep visible budget and manage surplus. Most likely, 401(k). And joining a horse ownership syndicate.

Tomorrow, I will Uber and get ready for a more manageable life.

* I suggested to the boss above my boss that I should move into one of their spare rooms and be the resident worker. No dice. Can you imagine the hilarity of living at Churchill Downs corporate?