I know I have now a new identity, a new career, and overall a new life worth living. However, I must address my trauma so I can make peace.
Two weeks ago, I went to the hospital for an episode in which I experienced urges to self-harm. I figured, I can either white-knuckle it through or I can go get help and maybe get a Xanax. I really did not have the energy to ride it out alone. So I took an Uber to the ER and checked myself in. Went to sleep, talked with the nurses and the doctor, and slept some more.
I am still fragile, and I still get weepy and very sad. The job coach told me that I can get low-cost or free psych care as part of vocational rehabilitation. It might be that I have PTSD. You know, I won’t be surprised at that. I do need to address these triggering parts and I do want to make peace with myself. I cannot do this alone. I tried for several years. It is not easy to do that.
The thing is that whether I dodged a bullet or I missed an opportunity. The evidence showed me that I have dodged a bullet over 13 years ago. But the pain still remains. So I must have this addressed before it disrupts my work. It has affected me and I want the pain to stop. I am thankful that I am finally getting that help. I request prayers from you.